A Man Named Dhariwal

While waiting for a cab I can flag down from my place, I saw an old Indian man appearing a few meters away, apparently waiting for one as well. Since the cars were going through him first, I was resigned to the fact that he'll get to flag a cab first, even though I was already waiting before he arrived.

He eventually got one, and I shrugged. Typical Singapore, I thought. People going about their own business, not giving a damn about other people...

...until the cab he rode on suddenly stopped in front of me, and I had the shock of my life.

He asked where I was going. I told him I'm going at the City Hall area, and he offered to share the cab with me since it was on the way to where he was going. And suddenly, I found myself inside a cab that I've surprisingly shared with an old Indian man from down the street.

His name was Dhariwal (I hope I spelled it correctly). He was an old man, about 50-60 years old. He works as an IT specialist, and he has a son in law who worked at market research before moving over to consumer business. He told me about his work before in manufacturing, then moving into IT when Singapore started focusing on business management.

He felt bad because I was waiting for a cab first, which was why he offered me a ride. And from the moment he told me that, a lot of thoughts flashed before me.

For me, it was a wake up call, as well as a sudden realization of how selfish our society has become. We're just focused inward, mostly only on ourselves, that we forget that we have to have the presence of mind to respect other people's rights and privileges.

It's partly not our fault. Our social structures make it hard for us to care about other people. Most of the time, if we're not careful, we wouldn't even be able to take care of ourselves. There are lots of things to pay for in order to live a decent living (house, car, insurance, taxes, etc.). We need to give our time and effort to acquire them by working hard. And if we thought that was all, we have all these external pressures forcing us to buy more, borrow more money, or else we'll be left out of the community we live in.

Life is very tough, and for many of us, because it's too tough to care for ourselves, why be bothered about other people?! If I can grab an opportunity presented to me at the expense of others, who cares right? The person was stupid, not qualified or not lucky enough, so to bad right?

As difficult as it is, we can't be contented with caring just for ourselves. Other people are people too. We need everyone to be happy and contented in order for all of us to be happy.

Even though life is difficult, it doesn't take a lot to be nice to other people, to make them feel better. It's a simple matter of giving your seat to someone who needs it when riding a bus or train. It's about following a queue in an orderly fashion, and to settle agreements with compromise instead of by force.

Dariwal's case was the perfect example. Just being concerned about me waiting for a cab by asking me where I was going and exploring the possibility of sharing the cab made me feel good the entire day. Imagine if each of us would do a simple nice gesture like that everyday, then the world will be a better place.

So to Dariwal, my regards and compliments to you. I hope you live a good and happy life, and I hope you continue to show other people how life is supposed to be lived; by caring for both ourselves and for other people.

layman

PS. the picture above is not him. It's the only picture I can find that best represents him. :)

When Laws Miss The Point: Female Teacher Jailed 10 Months For Teen Sex

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SINGAPORE: A female teacher in Singapore who had sex with a 15-year-old student was jailed for 10 months Monday, a court spokesman said.

The woman's identity has been withheld to protect the victim, said the spokesman, who confirmed that District Judge Sarjit Singh handed down the sentence, but gave no further details.

Now unemployed, the 32-year-old woman earlier pleaded guilty to having sex with a minor under the age of 16. 

The friendship between the teacher and boy began when he was a 14-year-old Grade Six pupil and joined an overseas school trip which she led, a report said. 

They later had sex, when he was 15, after the boy said he loved the woman who had declared him her godson, it said. By then, the boy had moved on to a secondary school. 

They had sex five more times but when she tried to end the affair the boy threatened to kill her, leading her to contact police, the report continued. 

The report added that Judge Singh said the case involved a serious breach of trust.

The woman could have been jailed for up to 10 years and fined.

She wept as she was led away to serve her sentence, 938Live radio reported.

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Source: Yahoo Singapore

Now, before I say anything, I'd like to clarify that both of them were a bit koo koo (bonkers) for even having a relationship like this. I know single adults in Singapore have a serious problem finding loved ones nowadays (I'll write about this some other time), but this is a bit extreme.

However, wasn't the sentence passed by the judge flawed in this context? Doesn't it seem unjust for the woman? Here are my viewpoints on the matter.

1. I know the woman had sexual relations with the boy. But is that "Rape" in Statutory Rape? The boy gave his consent. He told her he loved her. And don't give me the argument that the boy didn't know what he was doing. Please, at that time, he was 14, not 5 years old. Hormones may be influencing him, but he was already rational at that time.  

The woman must have been sick, but to punish her for "rape" seems off. She didn't force him to have sex. It just happened that the person she had sex with was not of "legal age". If she was below legal age, she wouldn't be charged with this "crime". 

It seems like the law was enacted for the sake of ONLY following the law, and not to uphold the values it's trying to protect. She gets jailed because of a legality, and not really a corruption of moral values they've put in place. 

2. Why wasn't the boy punished? He threatened to kill the woman! That was the reason why she went to the authorities in the first place. The boy was the one who had evil thoughts and had the intention of committing a crime. Why he gets to roam free I will never know. 

Laws are made to uphold the values that we've all agreed that we should live by to have peace and order in society. Laws are made by the people for the people, and so the law has to be always put into context in any given situation. Otherwise, it becomes too rigid and won't make sense, like the case of the woman.

In the end, I end with a learning I've heard long ago. Laws are made by the people, for the people. We should live by the laws we've put in place, but we also have to be ready to change / mold them when they deem not applicable anymore.

layman

Cultural Evolution: The Singapore Use of Chopsticks

In my 2 year stay here in Singapore, there are a few things that are always viable topics of discussion when I'm with different groups of Singaporean Chinese. Among all of these, my personal favorite involves a very "weird" practice unique to Singaporeans. Somehow, the way they use chopsticks is completely different to how their racial counterparts use it. 

This is basically the "normal" way of holding chopsticks; how the Chinese from China, as well as the Chinese in other countries in South East Asia (except for SIngapore and possibly Malaysia) eat using this utensil. It's how we were taught as well in the Philippines. Heck, that's even my hand in that picture! :D

The sticks are apart, with one resting between the thumb and the forefinger while the other is being held by the tips of the other 3 fingers (see picture). The stick nested between the thumb and the forefinger does not move. It serves as the anchor, while the other stick being held by the three fingers pushes the food to that stick and locking it in place. 

Here's how a typical Singaporean would hold would hold chopsticks. There's a fundamental difference in how it's held. The sticks are together, nested between the thumb and the forefinger. One stick is also supported by the forefinger and middle finger in order for the sticks to cross each other. This forms an "X", compared to the traditional way that forms a "V" shape. 

(And no, that's not my hand because I don't even know how to do it. :D)

Movement of the sticks is limited due to both being nested between the thumb and forefinger. How they actually get the food involves a complex movement of 3-4 fingers and a twist of the wrist. 

From what I remember, the hand actually does a "scooping" motion, mimicking that of using a spoon to get soup. Then, it's as if the whole hand cringes in order to make the chopsticks cross each other while in this scooping motion, grabbing the food. However, unlike the traditional way where people can eat directly from the chopsticks because the form allows them to do so, Singaporeans have to put the food they grabbed using their chopsticks on their Chinese spoons (what do you call those things?), then use the spoon to eat the food.

I've always been fascinated with this evolution of a once thought universal culture. Whenever I would eat in public places, I try to think about how this culture change came about. Even the very old Singaporeans hold it using their way, meaning this habit could have spawned generations ago, when a particular group of Chinese living in Malaysia and Singapore suddenly opted using this method.

What's also strange about this is that it's a topic of discussion among foreigners and Singaporeans, but no one has really written anything about it. It's definitely something worth investigating, because this rift in chopstick handling is very insightful and interesting in the study of cultural evolution. What was once thought of to be a one-way-only method of using turns out having a surprising counterpart. 

It's amazing how cultures seem so similar yet so different. 

I'm still grasping how to actually do it the SIngaporean way. It's a very difficult thing to do. :)

layman